


shall i compare thee to a thund'ring day

by orphan_account



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: F/F, M/M, Therapy, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, because he was fukin old compared to the gay trio, hercules is only mentioned sorry, like historically, may be ooc, mentions of recreational drug use, thomas needs a hug :'(
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-21
Updated: 2016-09-13
Packaged: 2018-08-10 02:16:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7826296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The storm began to rumble, but not with anger. It darkened, but not in fear. It began to cry, but not out of sorrow.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. this is not happening

**Author's Note:**

> heyyooo!! i'm finally posting this fic that i have kept in my documents for a very. long. time. i hope you like it!! please tell me if there are any mistakes or grammatical errors, it would be greatly appreciated! i am not a native english speaker and english is very hard.
> 
> also if you find the clipping. references (that are from the same song whoop) please tell me so that we can be trash together thank
> 
> ALSO the title is kinda taken from shakespeare's corny ass "shall i compare thee to a summer's day" but i didnt like that quote and i like to have recurring motifs and metaphors in my writing so... thunder

In the midst of a storm – clouds coiling within themselves, rain emitting from the heavens with deadly force, and lightning strikes that deter the hollows of the heart – there is one unlucky sailor sailing through. Maybe they were lost or trapped, or maybe they liked the thrill of the waves crashing against the port bow and the sea salt spraying across their arms. Nevertheless, the storm rages, barely knowing of this passing ship. The sailor gripped his hands to the helm and gazing with squinted eyes to the swirling clouds painting a beautiful disaster in the sky. How they yearn to fly up with the clouds, his hands trailing across the gray masses with the heart filled with indescribable elation. But they seem to be close enough to imagine but too far to only feel the tears of the heavens, and nothing else.

That storm was one Alexander Hamilton, and the sailor Thomas Jefferson. Since he first laid eyes on the man, he knew what he felt. There was no way to describe it, though. He wanted everything to do with him, stretch his comfort zone, live life without fear - because _he is right beside me._ Sure, he could do all of those things himself, but could he really? Hamilton is an unstoppable force, and he never relents. Whenever he's even relatively close to Hamilton, his heart starts to bang in fear and his sight becomes blurry by panic. It's a miracle he can even spit a rebuttal. He's just tired of being so damn _small_ , _so weak_ , even when he hides it with a slick grin.

This he has never told - well, except James, but that doesn't count. That's his job.

"Your dissonance is tearing you apart. Do you want him, or do you want to be alone? Are you ready for change or for nothing to be different? One of those perspectives has to change in order to move forward, and we both know which perspective needs to go."

James finished his speech not with a huff of impatience, but with a sigh of sadness. Thomas is his client, and James his therapist, but he's grown so close to him that they seem more. But _god,_ it hurts to see your friend in such pain, regardless if it was avoidable or not.

"Fucking - I _can't,_ James! I know he doesn’t love me! I know he doesn’t care! I-"

He sinks back down into his chair, tears welling in his eyes. He counts to ten, takes another deep breath.

"I just want to be happy."

James waits patiently for Thomas to relax, but he doesn’t. He stands from his chair and sits down next to Thomas, hand resting on his arm.

"You will be. Now hurry, or you'll be late for your classes."

Thomas smiled at him gratefully, though he seemed doubtful. "Thank you, for listening and… and for everything, James."

James chuckled lightheartedly. "That's what I'm here for."

On Thomas' way down the campus hallway, he met and quickly conversed with Lafayette, who looked calm and collected as ever.  For a brief second, Thomas thought about telling him. He's trustworthy, and he's never told another's secret before. And, above all, Lafayette's practically a brother to him; they even look alike.

He decides against it. He wouldn’t want to burden his friend, or anyone else.

Unbeknownst to Thomas, Lafayette was well aware of his situation. Ages ago, Thomas had given Madison reasonable suspicion of self-deprecating harm to himself and, within the legal parameters, broke confidentiality in order to make sure Thomas did not harm himself. Fortunately, it was just a false alarm; Lafayette did not forget, however, and still kept an eye on him regardless.

Today, Thomas looked… well, Lafayette really couldn't finish that thought, because he couldn’t describe it. He looked blank, like he had no emotion, but also as if he was going to burst into tears with every word he spoke. It was troubling, to say the least.

"Lafayette, what are you staring at? If you keep walking so slow, my arms are gonna be sore from holding this door open all day!"

Lafayette snapped his head forwards towards the joyful man, who was leaning on the door with a genuine smile flit across his face. The Frenchman plastered a smile on their face to his dear friend, which seemed to fake to him, so he breathed a believable laugh. His apprehension must have shown, because Alexander's smile dropped in worry.

"Laf? Are you okay?"

"Yes, Yes, just-" he searched for an excuse. "I had an exam a couple of hours ago, and I am worried for the results for I have not studied."

Alex's smile came back in relief. "I'm sure you did fine, you're doing so much better on your English."

"Thank you," he replied politely, "Shall we go inside?"

"Yeah, after you."

The class was eventless, except for Alexander's constant rants whispered under his breath.

"-Jefferson and his stupid arguments, always has to pick fights in class-"

"You pick the fights, Alexander; you are deflecting."

"…Whatever, he still argues with me."

Lafayette rolls his eyes, shifting his position in the chair so that his legs are crossed. Soon enough, they were dismissed, and Lafayette all but rushed to his apartment where Thomas was, hoping against hope that he'll find him well.

 

* * *

 

 

"Alex, shut the hell up."

John Laurens, - hot art and bio student, famously known for standing for what he believes in and not being afraid to punch the shit out of people (preferably named Charles Lee) who are just giant dicks, probably smokes weed recreationally - was not someone you'd come to for advice. He doesn’t sugar coat, he doesn’t tell you that everything's going to be fine if you just _"believe in yourself!"_ because that's bullshit, and sometimes things are just going to suck. It's the hard, unforgiving truth of life.

So, of course, Alex came to him. His mouth was still open from when Laurens interrupted him, so he closed it and dropped his hand into his side. John continued.

"Look, Jefferson is a perfectly okay guy, he's cool; we're cool. I see him in the fucking library sometimes and rings some of my books on his account if I have too many. If for some god-forsaken reason his _breathing_ or some shit bothers you, why do you keep going at him? Why do you keep pushing yourself to break a guy you're not even on a first-name basis with?"

Alex scrunched up his face, then sighed dejectedly. "I don’t know."

"I mean, don’t get me wrong, he does argue with you. But he never starts shit with you, he only gets dragged into your whirlwind of debates."

"I guess…" Alexander sighed again and leaned further into the corner of the couch. "It would be nice to actually talk to him once in a while."

"Then do that. You don’t need anyone to mother-hen you in order for you to make some small talk. You're an adult."

"But I've already gone too deep in this mess, I can't just-"

"In the wise words of Barack Obama, circa 2008, _yes you can._ "

"I-" For a man who could create symphonies of elegance and beauty with words, he was strangely hushed. "I don’t know how I really feel about him. Jefferson's… attractive, I guess. And… couth."

Lauren's once blank face curled into a curling smile that seemed all too troubling.

" _Hablaste por boca de santo!_ " Laurens curled his hand to a fist and covered his mouth to try and hide his wide grin, but to no avail. "There's the money! Our little lion has a little crush!"

"What? No! I don’t-"

"Yo, I bet Hercules _fourty-five fucking dollars_ that it would be you that asked him out, so you better!"

"I don’t like him! He's just… interesting!"

"His _ass_ is interesting, and wouldn’t you know."

Alex, who had unconsciously been standing a bit too straight, slumped back to his spot on the couch. The cushion was cold. The heels of his hands pressed against his eyes exasperatedly. "I cannot believe you."

"This is gold, _hermano_ ," John already had his phone out and was typing out a text. "Pure, fine gold."

 **To: everyone's favorite fighting frenchman** _YOOOO_

_alex has a crush and you would not BELIEVE who it is_

 

Lafayette responded almost immediately.

 

 **From: everyone's favorite fighting frenchman** _WHO IS IT I NEED TO KNOW TELL ME N OW_

 

 **To: everyone's favorite fighting frenchman** _drum roll pls_

 

 **From: everyone's favorite fighting frenchman** _brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrum_

 

 **To: everyone's favorite fighting frenchman** _thomas fucking jefferson_

 

 **From: everyone's favorite fighting frenchman** _oh_

_i knew that already_

_it's_

_really obvious actually_

 

"Goddamn it, Hamilton," John groaned, "you could have had this epiphany _before_ Lafayette found out before me?"

Alex suddenly held up his index finger with a look that could kill; brows furrowed, mouth open and contorted with angry confusion. "No, no, _no_ , this is not happening. I don't - do fucking not - have a crush. I don't have a crush, you damn asshole, do not spread this around, this is nothing, this is just your fucking psychoanalysis bullshit-"

 

* * *

 

 **To: everyone's favorite fighting frenchman** _he's not cooperating he's in DENIAL_

 

Lafayette sighed as he swirled his water in its cup as if it were wine. He wishes so desperately that it was wine. His friends were insufferably oblivious.

"Why can't people just know who their soulmates are?" he wondered aloud. Thomas jumped slightly next to him and shrugged.

"Well, what do you mean?"

"I wish... oh, I wish I could explain it." The Frenchman made a vague hand gesture. "Have you seen those posts where people fantasize about... I don't know, having the first words your soulmate tells you written on your arm or something of that variance. Do you follow?"

"...Yes, I follow."

"Why can't that be true? Why can't I just look at someone's arm and say 'yes, that is him, that is the person you will grow old with and have five pets with.' Right?"

"I don't follow."

Lafayette sighs. "I fear my friends have been experiencing some problems in finding each other. It is so obvious, but I suppose they'll figure it out themselves."

"Ah."

After a while, it was silent. Then, a small, "Lafayette, do you believe in soulmates?"

Lafayette pondered for a moment. "Broadly, yes. You can't just simplify it to one person, one soulmate. I believe everyone is made for something, and we all affect another and in turn are effected."

"Hm. I understand. Thank you."

"For what, _mon_ -"

But Thomas was fast asleep against the greatly comfortable sofa cushions, looking too comfortable to be moved.


	2. it's berenstein

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soon enough, the storm feels something. Not something tangent, but a meek soul reaching their hand to them, fingers straining to reach as far as they can.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> english is so hard??? how are y'all okay with all of these bizarre grammar rules and spelling words like brief and ceiling???
> 
> aahhh this was shit my bad :'(
> 
> *sighs for six hours straight while writing this chapter*

"Alexander, meet me after class, please."

Hamilton stared in horrified and angry confusion as Professor Washington picked back up on his lecture, attention back to the other students. By this point, Hamilton was whispering crude language to himself because _really_? He hadn't made a sound the entire class, and he was actually taking notes instead of just writing about random things that come to mind or projects that haven't even been assigned. Hell, he didn't even bother _looking_ at Jefferson, who was wearing that damn magenta t-shirt that shows off his muscular, toned arms and those _hot-ass sweatpants_ -

But he digresses.

Washington was dismissing the students, sans Hamilton. That didn't stop Hamilton from eyeing Jefferson as he walked out of the room, who was briefly doing same when he was right at the door, eyes filled with confusion as well.

Hamilton walked into Washington's office, hiding his obvious dumbfound expression with a sly grin and a "hey, dad."

Washington looked at him with a concerned frown. "Son, are you okay?"

'What?" Alex was again confused.

"You weren't speaking at all today, and not even a word to Mr. Jefferson."

"That's a big deal to you?"

"Alexander, you fought over whether it was 'Berenstein' or 'Berenstain' yesterday."

"It's Berenstein!"

"That's not the point." Washington rubbed his temples. "You two are very similar, it's strange that the two of you are so diametrically opposed."

They were both silent. Hamilton fiddled with his hands, which became restless if unused. Washington was looking at him weirdly, his expression unreadable.

"Alexander, are you busy this weekend?"

Hamilton almost - _almost_ \- choked on his spit. Instead, he stammered a quick, "No, sir, why?" 

"My wife and I would love to have you over for dinner this Saturday, tomorrow."

"Oh, that's cool," said Alex, who was relieved that his teacher wasn't actually flirting with him like it sounded like. "You can text me the details later."

Washington chuckled. "I'm not too good with texting; I'll just call."

"Sounds fine. Thank you, Professor."

"Goodbye, son."

 

* * *

 

"Good morning, Thomas. Anything new?"

"Nothing much," Thomas said nonchalantly, with a hint of awkwardness. Then, "my teacher called me, asked if I wanted to have dinner with his wife."

"Washington?"

"Yeah."

James nodded and paused, because he knew Thomas had something else to say. He always had that face, as if he'd just been cut off mid-sentence. Tense and timid. When Thomas looked up from his blank gaze, James met eyes with him and nodded minutely, silently asking for him to continue.

"Hamilton, he-" he coughed. "We usually argue in Washington's class, right? And Washington's okay with it because it actually helps the students who don't understand well get both sides of the subject, or whatever. Anyways… he didn't… nothing happened today. We didn’t argue. He just… looked at me? Whatever, that probably wasn't important, I'm just rambling."

James rolled his eyes fondly. "I'm your therapist, Thomas. I am eager to listen to your ramblings." He furrowed his brows and tilted his head. "That is pretty strange, though. From what I've heard of the man, he's quite abrasive."

"Abrasive, yes," Thomas chucked, then sighed. "But that's not important. I have a dinner to go to tomorrow."

 

* * *

 

As Thomas walked out of the counseling facility, he sighed and took in the setting around him. It was dark, with swirling clouds signaling a storm is near. His car was the only one in the parking lot, aside from the employees; he prefers to set appointments at times where no one would be. As he was getting into his car, one leg currently in, the front doors of the building chimed and out went three people: one was a tall woman, empowering and confident but all the same mellow and mature. The second, only slightly shorter, had long cascading hair and a tactful air. The third and youngest looking was the shortest yet emitted an atmosphere of excitement and play. They were the Schuylers; he could only come to that fact because he knew the oldest quite personally.

"Thomas!" Angelica exclaimed happily, opening her arms though he was in the parking lot and her by the door. Thomas felt a chill on anxiety run down his spine as he realized that the three siblings would start to wonder why he was there in the first place.

"Hey, Angel," said Thomas, shakier than he would like. "How are you?"

"Good, thank you," she replied. "And you?"

He pulled his lips to what he thought was a believable smile. "I'm well."

Thomas couldn't figure out if it was pity, shame, or concern that flashed in Angelica's eyes before it left all too quickly. Nonetheless, she extended her arm to her two accomplices, her siblings.

"This is Eliza, short for Elizabeth, and this is Peggy, short for-"

"Margarita," the youngest interrupted mirthfully, waving a hand to Thomas.

"Those are beautiful names, the both of you."

"Thank you!" the two younger siblings said in unison.

"Much obliged," Thomas nodded once, then became uncomfortable.

"Well," Angelica concluded, "see you Monday, Thomas."

"See you," replied Thomas, giving one last smile before sitting down in the car and wringing his hands in nervousness before starting the car.

 

* * *

 

"He's cute," Peggy said blithely as she kicked a rock on the sidewalk as the three sauntered down the sidewalk.

"We dated for a while," Angelica commented, "until he eventually came out to me. He's still one of my best friends though, he's so sweet."

Eliza had a questioning look on her face. "Is he the same Thomas that always fights with Alex, or is that a different one?"

"The very same."

"Hm. Then why do they fight?"

Angelica considered the question before answering. "They're too similar, yet so different. They clash without finding anything to compare."

"So they have like, _huge_ sexual tension between them?" Peggy asked, unfazed by their sisters' giggling.

"I suppose."

Neither of them wanted to comment on seeing him leaving the facility, especially since it's their father that owns it. Thomas seemed so stable, especially when him and Angelica were dating. It was too short to be considered a topic or subject they'd cover during that period of time, but Angelica still wondered whether or not that his mental health was substantially instable then. Maybe it seems too brash, but she would have liked to have known. After all, she believed she could help. She cared so much for all of her closest friends and family that she cares for every aspect of their well-beings, Thomas far from being exempt. But at the same time, she doesn't want to pry or make him any more uncomfortable than he already is.

She’ll just have to wait for it, whatever “it” is.


	3. cold water hurts the soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The storm became confused; the rain stopped but he wind became faster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's dinner time y'all
> 
> look at me.... updating three times in a day...  
> why do i write like i'm running out of time

Alex practically knew the way to Professor Washington's house like the back of his hand. At least he wishes he has. He got lost a couple of streets away and had to pull up a GPS to get back on track. He eventually arrived late, and had to jump out of the car and flatten his sweater in order to look at least a little presentable.

He didn't know what to wear to this… whatever _this_ is, so he just came in a nice sweater and jeans. The sweater was originally Lafayette's, who took it from who knows who, because the label in the back has a brand so expensive he almost fainted at the cost of the sweater when he looked it up. He knows Laf has money, but _damn_ , you couldn't have just gone to the mall or something?

Regardless, he knocked on the door, rocking on the balls of his feet before Martha opened the door with a big smile and a "hello, dear, how have you been?" Alex relished in her good-natured mothering and made small talk in the hallway for a moment.

 

* * *

 

Thomas heard the front door open and close, and he knew someone was in the house, but he didn't know who or why. Did the Washingtons invite another student? Most likely, since Thomas wasn't his star student or anything. That was Hamilton.

Being the generally curious person he grew up to be, he strained his ear to listen to try and figure out who the hell that voice was. Maybe it was a student from another class. Or maybe just another guest.

Oh god, what if it was Hamilton? Actually, that wouldn't be surprising.

Speak of the devil, there he was, with his silky hair kept down and framing his face, paired with small, circular glasses perched at the tip of his nose and… Jefferson's sweater?

He lost that sweater one day when Lafayette used it to go out, and then came back drunk with a completely _new_ sweater. So that's where it had gone. Thomas didn't know if it were affection or insult that washed over his body at the sight of seeing his sweater on Hamilton. Most likely, it was a mix of both.

Jefferson looked down at his plate, which was ornate and accented with gold. He'd rather trace the delicate patterns in his mind then make anything more awkward.

"Ah, my boy!" said a voice from the kitchen.

Washington ("Just call me George, for the day," he had reprimanded once he'd gotten there) was in the living room with a big pot that was steaming significantly. He looked happy, almost too happy, which was a great contrast from his serious nature during lectures. Maybe it was the circumstance, or his comfort, or maybe because he'd planned something devious. It was hard to tell.

\-----

The beginning of the dinner was awfully awkward. The clinking of plates was going to drive Alex crazy, not to mention the fact that Jefferson was seated right next to him.

Jefferson looked good. He usually does, of course, but at the dinner, he looked soft. Serene, even. He was wearing a sweater as well; it was a crimson or mahogany color that contrasted so well to his smooth skin. It was even slipping off of his shoulder a little as he was talking to George and laughed when George commented, "thank God for Mississippi." Alex saw Martha give him a sly smile from his peripheral vision and finally realized that he was staring. He blushed fiercely and turned back to his food. It was delicious, but under-spiced to him. He preferred spicy foods.

"So, Alex and Thomas," said Martha, "when did the two of you start dating?"

Jefferson, who had been sipping on his drink, almost spit it out involuntarily, thankfully swallowing it. Hamilton, however, _did_ choke on his.

"I-" he sputtered his apologies between coughs- "I don't get what you mean." 

Martha furrowed her brows. "You two are dating, yes?"

"No," Jefferson replied as cool as ever, yet still he sounded strained and uncomfortable. "We're not."

"Oh, pardon me," said Martha, though he didn't really seem sorry at all. She shared a look with George. "It's just you two… Never mind, let's eat."

 

* * *

 

Thomas knows it's uncouth, but he couldn't help but send a quick text to Lafayette under the table.

 

 **To: mon chéri** _i'm going to evaporate i can't believe i let washington invite me to this dinner_

 

 **From: mon chéri** _what happened???_

 

 **To: mon chéri** _martha thought hamilton and i were dating_

**From: mon chéri** _HAHAHHAHHAHHAHA u wish tho_

 

 **To: mon chéri** _what_

 

 **From: mon chéri** _nothing_

 

* * *

 

"Alright boys, go wash your hands. Your hands are filthy regardless if you licked the sauce off of your fingers."

"Sure."

Hamilton and Jefferson both stood up from the table, one trying to go to the kitchen sink and the other in the bathroom when Martha stopped them both and waved a finger.

"That bathroom sink is broken," she lied, "both of you use the kitchen sink."

The two men looked at each other and ultimately stood hip-to-hip at the sink. The sink was very small, so they both had to reach and push against another to get the soaps.

" _Mm_ , this is a really nice-smelling soap," Hamilton said as he smelled the foam in his hands. He brought his hands up to Jefferson's nose so that he could smell it too. He hummed his approval and used that soap as well.

Jefferson reached over to turn the sink warmer, because he would rather not get hypothermia over that damn cold water. But, in the process, he all but flushed against Hamilton, who turned slightly and was now pinned against the counter-top by Jefferson's hips.

They both refused to comment such when they continued to wash their hands. Hamilton yelped in pain as his hand went under the water.

"Sweet Jesus, that's _scalding_ ," he whined as he smacked the faucet away from him. "Are you trying to kill me?"

"Excuse me, but hot water is said to relieve tension and soothe the muscles.."

"Yeah, and it also gives you wrinkles. Cold water hydrates your skin."

 Soon, they were done with their hands, and were drying them together while still bickering.

 "Hot showers raise your oxytocin levels!"

 "And cold showers are recommended by researchers for depression treatment!"

 "Cold water hurts the _soul_."

"Hot water hurts in general!"

"Oh, shut up."

" _Make me_."

Jefferson and Hamilton stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity before Jefferson stood a little straighter and walked out of the room.

 

* * *

 

"Are you leaving so soon?"

Thomas felt guilt weighing down on his shoulders before he nodded solemnly. "I have to visit my friend, he's… sick."

In all honesty, he _was_ visiting a friend. He just didn't specify _which_ , and the fact that it was James. They don't even know who James is, most likely. He's most likely off of work at this point, so it's not an appointment. He just wants company that doesn't expect him to smile or crack jokes for a while.

Thomas grabbed his scarf and opened the door, saying his goodbye to the Washingtons before crunching through the snow to get to his car. His mind was racing, but he pushed the feelings back, trying desperately not to think about-

"Wait!"

Hamilton was right behind him, holding out his gloves. His eyes looked misty, and his cheeks were already tinted pink from the cold.

"You left your gloves."

Thomas started walking towards him; he and Hamilton met halfway and their hands met, not quite intertwined but close enough to be. Thomas grabbed the gloves and pulled them away, muttering an almost silent "thanks" as he turned back to his car.

"See you on Monday," said Hamilton, almost somberly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i personally like cold water because i just moved to florida and why would i burn myself OUTSIDE and then burn again INSIDE


	4. don't dip me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But the soul – the being – begins to move at once and follow the storm. They become enamored with how the billows curl within itself like the waves of the sea.

"Hercules," John turned his head in boredom, "Can you please stop crying about Lin-Manuel Miranda for, like, two seconds. That's all I'm asking."

 Hercules gave him a bitter glare. "Shut the fuck up, what are you doing with _your_ life?"

 "Talking about boys," said John flippantly, but serious all the same.

"So," John continued, "what happened after that?"

"I don't know, really. He told me to shut up and I said 'make me' and really, how could you _not_ know that that was an open invitation to scoop me up in your arms and take me to Vegas? I'm sure he knew what I meant, even though it was two words."

"'Make me' certainly _sounds_ like a booty call."

"Right? Anyways, I said that and then he just walked out of the fucking room-"

John snorted, letting out a muttered "Me as fuck."

"-and left the house, saying he had to see a friend or something that was sick."

 "The only people he cares about - that _I_ know about - is Lafayette and Angelica, and I just saw the both of them a couple of hours ago. Neither of them are sick."

 Alex hummed his disapproval and sipped his drink, which was very ironic – some tea. "So who was he seeing?"

"If he was even seeing someone," John countered, "or… _seeing_ someone."

 Alex reached around behind him and threw the nearest pillow at him.

 

* * *

 

"You fucking _walked out?_ "

 Angelica was leaning on his countertop, staring at him disbelievingly. She looked dumbfound, as if she couldn't believe that he had just uttered that from his own mouth.

 Thomas scratched the back of his neck with a grimace and nodded his head, earning silence. Then, Angelica lifted her head with a tired sigh.

 "This is solvable, but with only one thing."

 "Apologizing?" said James meekly from the couch.

 "No," said Angelica with determination. "Alcohol."

 Thomas tried to interject, but Angelica had already whipped out her phone to send texts around.

  **To: ELIIIIZAA,AND PEGGY , that french guy, hunkules, hammy, st lauren(t)s, and burr i guess** _HEY YOU GUYS I'M HAVING A PARTY LIKE TOMORROW BRINGS T O N S OF ALCOHOL AND BAD DECISIONS_

 

 **From: st lauren(t)s** _I'M SO FUCKING DOWN_

 

 **From: hammy** _my dearest, angelica, you had me at alcohol_

 

 **From: hunkules** _you had me at bad decisions_

 

 **From: that french guy** _you better have wine there or i'll be severely disappointed_

 

 **From: burr i guess** _Why a party? Can't we just watch a movie or something?_

 

 **From: st lauren(t)s** _BURR STFU_

 

 **From: ELIIIIZAA** _peggy, maria, and i are coming!_

 

"That settles it, then," Angelica smiled coyly. "We wouldn't want to disappoint all of those people, do we?"

 "I'm totally fine with disappointing, like, _half_ of those people. James, you're coming."

 "What?" said James incredulously. "But I have work-"

 "Just say you're sick again, no one will chastise you for just a day."

 "Sick _again_?" Thomas asked. "How do you know that he gets sick often?"

 Angelica looked at Thomas, then James, then coughed awkwardly. “Well, everybody gets sick at some point, right?” she squeaked awkwardly. God, is she bad at lying. “I just, y’know… figured."

 Thomas took this excuse, however, and nodded curtly.

 

* * *

 

When Angelica Schuyler had a party, you bet your ass it would never be half-assed. She and her sisters spent the entire day decorating the house like it was a birthday, but with more alcohol. When she was finally satisfied, the first guests, Thomas and James, arrived at the front door with impressed faces. Soon, all of their friends were there, Lafayette with Hercules, and John and Alex, who were both talking animatedly in Spanish. They were most likely gossiping.

A million years ago, she fell in love in with Alexander. They were intellectual equals; they were both enamored with another's minds at work. But they were young, he was barely able to sustain his own life and legacy, let alone love. Eventually, though, she introduced him to Eliza, who supported him through everything he did, even when they weren't in love. Soon they were, though, because Eliza had the heart of gold and the ability to care for him in ways that Angelica could never.

But that was too long ago to yearn for anymore. She was more focused on bringing him to Thomas than to herself. Their happiness was more important than her own selfish desires.

"Alexander, it's been so long!" She exclaimed as she all but swept him up in her arms. His laughs rumbled in his chest as he hugged her back just as fiercely.

“Everyone, thank you so much for coming, especially on such short notice!” She called to her friends. “If you want any, the alcohol is-“

“I already know where it is, thanks,” John said as he walked into the kitchen.

Everyone dispersed into small groups, music playing at a not-too loud pitch. Thankfully, Thomas and Alex found each other quickly.

 

* * *

 

If Thomas really wanted to talk to Hamilton, he needed alcohol to get rid of that damn anxiety that’s been holding him back for years. He sipped on his too-cliché red solo cup and slid beside Hamilton, who was doing the same. He took another sip before commenting, “Would you look at that: Hamilton actually acting _casually_ at a party rather than spouting his opinions to anything with a pulse.”

Hamilton let out a bark of laughter, then took a large drink from his cup. “I can be a functioning member of society if I’m in the mood.”

After they shared a laugh, the music was suddenly turned off. They both turned their heads to the stereo, who was being altered by none other than Laurens, who looked absolutely devious with an unmarked CD in between two fingers.

“Oh God, tell me he’s not-“

If Hamilton ever finished that sentence, Thomas will never know, because suddenly the whole house was blasting salsa music.

 

* * *

 

“There we fucking go! That’s what I’m talking about!” He yelled over the music, and was soon dancing like a drunk uncle to the fast-paced music.

Alex was laughing until John grabbed his hand to dance. Alex looked back at Jefferson, who was looking at him with an indescribable expression, and Alex unconsciously grinned wide at him and beckoned for him to follow.

They soon found the center of the living room, and Alex pulled Jefferson by his sleeves closer to him.

“Do you know how to dance?” Alex leaned towards him and shouted, and Jefferson shrugged.

“A little. Not much salsa, though.”

“You want to go left-” Hamilton moved his foot and waited for Jefferson to do the same. “Right, left, hold.”

They practiced for a while and Alex taught him more moves, and soon they were dancing around the room, with Alex singing along to the music and laughing loudly when Jefferson let go of his hand to spin him.

“Oh, you want to lead, then?”

Jefferson furrow his eyes, but was still smiling widely. “You can’t lead _me,_ you can’t even reach above my head.”

Alex scoffed and gave him a sour look. “Fuck off, Jefferson.”

“Thomas,” he corrected quickly.

Soon, though, the song was ending, and Thomas put a hand on Alex’ back and kept leaning forward until-

“Don’t dip me, don’t dip me, don’t!”

Alex’s back popped as he was leant back, looking dissatisfied at Thomas. “I said, ‘ _don’t dip me_.’”

Thomas shrugged and pulled him back up. “Oh, well.”

The both of their heads snapped behind them where John was cheering and clapping. The rest were, embarrassingly, staring at the two in awe. Thomas looked down and saw how close they were; certainly, they did not leave room for the Holy Ghost. Alex and Thomas both drifted away from another until they were awkwardly standing side-by-side, looking amongst their friends.

John decided to be petty. “ _That was something_ ,” he said in Spanish so that no one could understand.

Alex shrugged. “ _He’s a better dancer than I thought_.”

“ _Oh, don’t be prude. You loved it_.”

“ _Maybe_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _SUAVEMENTEEEEE BESAME_  
>  QUE YO QUIERO SENTIR TUS LABIOS  
> BESANDOME OTRA VEZ 
> 
> sorry but that was the song that i was listening to when i was writing this


	5. hpoe u got asome ass tongiht

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They were so alike, the storm and the sea. They were both so beautiful in that moment, the sailor and the storm moving to the horizon in synchronization.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :))))) i dont know what this is but it's there

Alex was drunk, but not enough to not be embarrassed. He shared this with John in slurred Spanish, so that no one else would know.

 He felt shameful. Not because it was Jefferson, or Thomas, or Thomas Jefferson, or whatever he wants to call him. It's because he doesn’t even know if he would have wanted that if he was sober with a more sensible mind. God, Alex felt so selfish. He doesn't even know if he's attracted to _men_. But if he does, Alex guesses it's probably that James guy and not him.

I mean, it makes sense. He came to the party with him, and was almost stuck to the man's side except when Alex pulled him away. Even then, as Alex was with John on the sofa next to the stereo, Thomas and James were outside of the kitchen… staring at him.

 Alex's eyes widened and he said to John, " _Fuck, they're looking at us. I just made eye contact with them_."

 John laughed then groaned as he got off of the sofa, pulling out his phone to check the time. He slipped it back in his sweatpants and stretched his arms.

 "I'm going to go outside of the house for a minute, need anything?"

 "No," Alex stood and stretched as well. "Actually… no, no. I'm good."

 "Alright, see you later then, _hermano_."

 John called out to Angelica and told her where he's going, and she shook her head and said that he should never go somewhere public while drunk.

 "I'm not drunk, I'm just very, _very_ high."

 He yelled a quick goodbye and left the house to get some snacks for himself, and then there was one.

 Alex was alone, so he walked out of the living room to where the others were near the front of the house, not sparing a look towards the kitchen in fear of seeing Thomas and James' dejected, bored, or even disgusted looks they must be throwing at him. He didn't realize where he was going until he bumped into someone's shoulder, after which he held the shoulder and uttered a quick apology to the Schuyler.

 "Betsy!" he cried, smiling wide as they hugged tightly. "How are you?"

 "Alex! My God, it's been hell not seeing you in any of my classes, but I'm great, thank you! How are you?" Eliza looked absolutely stunning, even though she was wearing just jeans and a worn t-shirt. She was glowing, probably because her girlfriend was right next to her. They were perfect together, and Alex admired that. He and Maria locked eyes and he smiled at her.

 "And you! How the hell have you been?"

 "Good," was the only thing she said, but her smile didn't seem bored or angry.

 After some small talk with Eliza and Maria, and some with Hercules and Lafayette and Angelica, Alex started to feel tired. Not of his friends, of course not. But it was late and the fatigue was starting to pull at his limbs and his blinks started to slow down. He felt then how you feel five hours into a roadtrip: you still feel the excitement from hours before but in a sleepier state, leaving you giddy and barely able to focus. It doesn't help that Alex pulled an all-nighter the day before.

 He wasn't very aware of his surroundings, and was sitting down on the sofa again on someone's shoulder. It was probably John, but this person was too gentle, too comforting to be him. He didn't care. He was practically drooling on the shoulder he was laying on - that had such a fine material that smelled faintly of a concoction of cologne and coconut and strawberry - when Angelica spoke up.

 "Okay, so the most of you are bored or tired out of your mind-" Alex hummed at the last part- "So you will all be sleeping here. You two go over to the last guest room - you'll have to share, by the way - then you two…"

 "I've got to be home, Angelica, so I'll be leaving," a hoarse voice spoke. "I'll be fine driving; I hadn't had anything to drink but water."

 "Okay, James. Drive safe. You two-" Angelica pointed at Alex and the shoulder. "Go to the last guest room. I don’t know where the _hell_ John is going to fit, but he'll find a way. Anyways, up you go!"

 "Thank you, Angelica," the person with the amazingly comfortable shoulder said. Their voice was so soothing, it sounded like velvet feels and vanilla tastes. Slowly, Alex and the person rose and they helped Alex up the stairs, into a dark room and laid him on the bed.

 "Alexander," the voice, who he now recognized, said to him softly. Thomas sounded weary, as if he didn't want to overstep. He's so caring, and sweet, it just made him feel giddy. "Are you okay with sleeping in the same bed as me?"

 Alex hummed and tugged him closer, though he was weak with his exhaustion and didn't really bring him any closer than he already was. Slowly, Thomas got into bed and pulled the covers over him, staying a fair distance from Alex. But Alex didn't want that. Instead of bringing Thomas to him, which didn't really work the last time, he rolled over until he was flush against him, absolutely relishing in the warmth Thomas' body emitted. Thomas made a strange, guttural sound but ultimately wrapped his arms around the sleepy man.

 "Goodnight, Thomas," Alex all but whispered. He could feel Thomas' heart pound under his head.

"Goodnight, Alexander," Thomas said in a hushed tone.

 Ultimately, Alex was pulled in by slumber and had a dreamless sleep.

 

* * *

 

Alex woke up feeling the most hungover but ultimately refreshed than he has in months, and to top it off, with someone else in the bed. More importantly it was Thomas he was with, who was still fast asleep and whose legs were intertwined with Alex’s own. His snoring was quiet, and his arm was draped lazily around Alex’s lower waist, his head all the way down to Hamilton’s chest, which was humorous considering how tall he is in comparison to Alexander.

 And – bless Angelica – both of their phones were charging on the nightstand on Thomas’ side of the bed. Hamilton carefully reached over him to grab his phone, practically straddling him on his way there. He carefully laid back down as he read the texts that he had gotten while he was sleeping.

 

 **From: dearest laurens** _YO WHA  T THE FUC K DUDE_

_AGNELICA IS MAIGNK ME SLEEP ON M THE SOFA_

_(_ _ಥ_ ___ _ಥ_ _)_

_EAAYAY AT LEAST IT’S COMFORABEL UNLIAEK OUR FUKVIJN COUCH_

_FUK U HAMMY_

_HPOE U GOT ASOME A S S TONIGHT_

Alex sent a quick text saying he didn’t get any “ass” last night and to shut up, he’s hangover damn it. He tried going back to sleep but he couldn’t, and instead studied Thomas with lazy eyes.

What was Thomas to him? Two days ago, he was Jefferson. He sounded egotistic and ruthless at best but still had that soft look as if he can’t possibly hurt anything. He was confusing, but the kind that made you want to look for more and more until you can’t differentiate yourself with it, like a storm clashing against a raging sea.

 Alex scooted down and looked at Thomas at eye-level. Slowly, he reached out and brushed his thumb against his temples and played with the crown of his hair, twirling his baby hairs and caressing his cheekbone. His hand then went down to his beard, which was only slightly longer than it normally is; Thomas might need to clean it up later. Alex wondered how exactly he cleans up his beard and got so lost into thought that he didn’t realize that Thomas was fully awake at this point. He tightened his grip around Alex’s torso and leaned in; not kissing him just yet, but close enough to be.

 When Alex finally looked him in the eye, he started minutely until he looked down at his lips and leant forward, pressing their lips together. Both Thomas and Alex seemed to sigh in relief into the kiss, which was chaste and slow.

 “Hey, y’all,” someone shouted from the hall, “wake the _fuck_ up! I’m tired and I want IHOP, so let’s get y’all’s asses moving!”

 “Fucking John,” Alex groaned as he leaned out of the kiss. Thomas breathed out a laugh and then jumped when the door swung open to a rugged-looking John Laurens.

 John’s mouth was open, as if to say something, but suddenly felt Alex and Thomas’ combined death glares and _damn, did he interrupt something_?

 “I’ll leave you two lovebirds be,” he said simply as he closed the door as he left.

“Where were we?” Thomas said slyly, his fatigue giving his voice an edge that almost took Alex _home_. But _almost_.


	6. name a name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When most looked at it, they saw something dangerous. Something that they didn’t need, didn’t want.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this probs isn't very good angst but it's angst and it's here

"Angelica, I-I need to tell you something."

Thomas was standing in her dorm, wringing his hands nervously. Angelica led him to the couch where he fell onto the cushion and sighed.

"Thomas," she said worriedly, "please tell me. If it's hurting you this much, I need to know."

 She watched him stare at her, then open and close his mouth. He clenched his fists and looked away, taking a deep breath. He trembled involuntarily when he looked back; she was waiting with a patient face. Angelica quickly looked down to take his hand in hers and wrapped her hands around his colder ones. Thomas' eyes began to flood and Angelica automatically pulled him into a hug. Thomas began to cry. Angelica held him as his shoulders shook in sobs and his apologies came in short, raspy bursts. She rubbed his back until he was ready to talk, and even then he sounded apprehensive.

"A year or two ago, I was diagnosed with depression and generalized anxiety. I didn't want to tell you because… because I was scared you wouldn't treat me the same or t-tell me I'm worthless or-"

"Thomas, you could kill someone and I'd still be there to bury the body with you," Angelica said jokingly, but soft all the same. "Trust me when I say that I will choose your happiness over mine every time. With all that aside, I'm glad you told me."

"Good, because I want you to come to my next appointment."

"That's perfect, I'd love to come with you."

 

* * *

 

"Alex, just fucking ask him out."

Laurens was swirling the wine in his cup, which was an outdated football merchandise cup for the Columbia Lions. John used to play a couple years ago in his freshman year, but that was only because his father made him at the time. He sipped the wine and stared at his friend boringly. "It's actually not that hard," he added.

"It is hard if it's him. What if he rejects me? Or even worse, what if he only dates me out of pity?"

"Alex, you've done that to other people. Don't be a hypocrite."

"Those were just awkward one night stands that actually stayed," Alex groaned as he sprawled across the tattered sofa.

"Is Thomas just a one-night stand to you?"

Alex shot up. "Of course he's not!"

"Then stop acting like it, Alex! And stop being so fucking cynical over this! You know how he feels, you know how you feel, just get over it and be happy with him!"

Alex huffed and retorted, "I don't know how he feels, that's the thing."

John sighed in frustration. "Yes you do; he wouldn't have acted like that otherwise. Come on, you're not some oblivious little shit in some shitty heterosexual romance novel. You are the most perceiving person I know, you can spot a little interest in someone you like."

Alex slumped back to the couch with a mix of a groan and sigh. "I hate it when you're right."

John only laughed and gulped down his wine.

 

* * *

 

 Thomas’ dorm wasn’t too far from Alex’s, so he was able to quickly able to walk there the next day. He was going to do it; he was only a knock, silence, and confession away from asking Alexander out and… maybe… take him out for coffee or something? He hadn’t really planned it all out yet. At all, actually. What was he going to say? Or do when he replies? Oh God, what if he says no?

That can’t happen though, right? They both knew that they liked another, they weren’t very good at hiding it. They weren’t oblivious, either. But what if it’s too much for him, what if he’s embarrassed?

 _Breathe, Thomas_ , he reminded himself.

Anyway, he was there and at the door, fist raised to knock. But he didn’t knock. He stood there, frozen in fear. In his mind was a mantra shouting, _he doesn’t love you, he doesn’t care about you, he’s going to ruin you_.  In a flash, he races away, clutching his head in what felt like his head splitting into a thousand pieces.

He didn’t know what was worse: his migraine or his anxiety.

He high-tailed into his dorm in record time, accidentally slamming the door behind him which made him flinch. He ran through the dorm and tried to ignore Lafayette’s cries concern as he bolted into the bathroom and locked the door. He wasn’t crying, but sobbing without tears. The pain was so bad, he felt like his head was about to pop. Lafayette’s constant banging on the door didn’t help. He stayed there for what seemed like hours, his sobbing long gone and Lafayette gone silent.

“Who hurt you,” asked the voice behind the door. Lafayette sounded more protective and angry than he’s ever been, his voice like a low flame, like embers in a pit of fire. Which was odd – and even a little terrifying – because he’d never even thought that he could be this angry; he was usually just exasperated or tired or bounding with glee. But never this.

“Nobody,” said Thomas, which was completely true, but it sounded like a lie. “It was myself, really,” he added.

“Don’t lie to me. Name a name.”

“…Alex.”

After a long pause, Lafayette spoke again.“Thomas, please let me in.”

Thomas crawled on the floor quite petulantly and opened the door, meeting Lafayette’s eyes. He was on the floor as well, back against the wall and knees tucked into his chest. They looked at each other’s faces, each red and sniffling from crying. Thomas didn’t get up from the floor, and neither did Lafayette, so they both sat together adjacent to the front of the bathroom door as they sat in virtual silence. Then, Thomas began to talk.

“I’m sorry you had to deal with this.”

“Don’t apologize, I’d do this any day for you.”

“It’s just… I was trying to find the Tylenol. I have a huge migraine right now.”

“Get some rest, I’ll get you the medicine and some tea as well.”

Thomas said a quiet thanks as Lafayette kissed his temple and stood up to go to the kitchen. As Thomas laid on his too-comfortable bed, he thought about anything that came to mind. Alex, Alex and Thomas in the guest room after the party, sleepy Alex…

He really has to get a new hobby.

Lafayette came back with the tea and waited for him to finish it before quietly shutting the blinds and turning off the light, leaving the door only cracked open.

When he woke up and padded to the living room, Lafayette was there alone, staring off into space with a begrudging expression. Then the two talked. Thomas told him about therapy – not without shedding a few tears of course – and Lafayette told him about his own issues. It was freeing, just speaking so freely to one another. It expelled a weight from Thomas’ chest that had been weighing him down.

Thomas fell asleep on the couch again, but he was content.

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Where’s Thomas?”

“He’s sick,” Lafayette replied almost immediately, looking stoic at best. Alex watched his eyes flicker back to the professor’s lecture.

“Is he okay?”

“Alex,” the Frenchman said exasperatedly, “leave it be. He’s in our dorm.”

“Are you sure? Because he-”

“Alex!” Lafayette whispered harshly. “I said, _leave it be_.”

Alex practically shrunk further into the chair at his cold glare.

The rest of the class went on too slow and painful for Alex’s liking. Lafayette was silent, actually writing down notes instead of doing what he usually did, which was doing nothing and somehow acing all of his classes. Alex tried to subtly move away from him – which was especially hurtful, because he’s so close to him – and somehow found a way by Eliza calling him over as the teacher made an important call. Thank god for Eliza. He looked back at Lafayette Alex sighed and slung his bag over his shoulder, walking back to his dorm alone. Along the way, he couldn’t help but wonder why Lafayette was acting so distant. Maybe it was the way he said something. He does tend to talk too much and if he ended his relationship with one of his closest friends he didn’t know what he would do. Or maybe-

“ _Hermano_ , breathe. Count to ten.”

He didn’t know anyone was in the room with him, so he jumped quite embarrassingly. With some persuasion, Alex told him what he was thinking about before he began to hyperventilate so quickly. He talked about Lafayette’s cold demeanor and Thomas seemingly missing class two days in a row. Even as he says it, Alex feels a painful twist in his stomach at the idea that he was avoiding him. As he listened, Laurens pursed his lips and shook his head, saying something similar to a bitter prayer. Alex tried to talk more, but John shushed him softly and led him to his bed with an almost-silent sigh, and he fell asleep almost immediately. He had a dreamless sleep, which wasn’t very abnormal at this point.

What was abnormal was when he woke up. John was groaning loudly in protest as a ringtone blared just as loud. He watched him with squinting eyes, as John took off his glasses in his sleep, and saw him put the phone to his ear. He couldn’t tell without the proper eyesight, but Laurens seemed to wear a frown.

"He’s asleep,” was all he said before sighing and running a hand through his hair. Then, “No. He doesn’t need this right now, he needs _sleep_.”

Alex listened curiously and closed his eyes. “I do know what happened. All of it. He’s done nothing… _fuck off_ , Laf.”

More silence, then the tap of John’s finger to his phone. “I know you were listening, Al.” 

Alex sat up and looked at his best friend. After all of the anger had washed away, he just looked tired. His eyes looked even more sunken in than they usually were, and he sat down on Alex's bed so that they were shoulder-to-shoulder. Alex laid his head on John's shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” he quickly apologized.

“Don’t be.” Laurens ran a hand through his face and rubbed his jaw, sighing softly. Alex felt heavier than lead when John flipped the lights off and slept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> friend probz :'( lafayette got the wrong idea from what tommy told him he didn't do nothing you franc


	7. do you feel my heartbeat?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But here the sailor was, the sails at full mast, standing tall and proud near the starboard despite the rain soaking it’s clothes. They were beaming, whispering sweet words to the sky with their eyes shining from the cracks of sun in the clouds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> couple of things to note:  
> a. daveed diggs is a super-giant thank u  
> b. he's gotta be 6 foot or higher and that's _without_ the added hair height  
>  c. renée is 5'7 but i imagine angelica as a CHARACTER to be like 6'0 or something so just imagine renée with like heels or smth  
> d. i have no fucking clue how dorms are actually set up because they vary and apparently you can't have microwaves??? wtf america what's your deal

Alex trudged down the hall to his dorm. Thomas was missing another day. When he asked Washington, he told him with a frown that he was feeling under the weather and he couldn't make it to his classes. Luckily, Washington added at his protest, he was ahead in all of his classes by a week or two.

 "There _has_ to be something wrong! Can't you find a way to get him back?!"

 Washington only blinked. "Is… there something you would like to share?"

 Alex lowered the hands he subconsciously raised in anger and clasped them together behind his back. "No, sir."

 With a nod, Washington dismissed Alexander, and he walked out of the office headed for-

 There was yelling in his dorm. Confused, Alex's grip on his bag loosened. Bringing it down to the ground softly as to not make noise, he brought his ear to the door and strained to listen to the commotion.

 "Why are you defending this?" Lafayette said coldly. "You, of all people."

 "What the _fuck_ are you talking about? Defending my _friend_ , who has done nothing to deserve how you treated him? Is that a crime?"

 "I am doing the same, John!"

 Alex couldn't hear the rest, because he was high-tailing down the hall like a fleeing deer. He'll be damned if he eavesdrops on a conversation about him; his pride is strong but not _that_ strong. In speed-walking down the hall, he ran into Angelica, who was leaving Thomas' dorm.

"Angelica?" Alex's stomach twanged with hurt. "What are you doing here? You're in the other building."

"Oh yeah, me and Thomas always watch RuPaul's Drag Race every week." her wrist limped flippantly. "It's practically a tradition at this point."

Alex felt jealous that he hadn't known this - oh, so jealous - but he smiled cheekily anyway. "And to think I never got invited."

"You can come next time," she said naturally and politely as ever. "Now sashay away, Alex."

They both went their separate ways, but once again Alex was left with nowhere else to go. Gathering his courage, he turned to Thomas’ door and knocked.

Alexander James Hamilton prides himself in being intelligent, but damn was that a stupid thing to do. The door opened to reveal Lafayette, who opened the door with a confused, “Angelica? Did you forget something-“

Angelica was about a head taller than Alex, and she shorter than Lafayette by a couple of inches, so of course Lafayette would automatically look above where Alex’s head was. When he looked down and met Alex’s eye, his face swept from confused to enraged. He stood a little straighter as he clipped, “What do you want?”

“If you don’t mind, I’d like to talk to Thomas.”

That was an imprudent answer, because Lafayette only got angrier. “What, so that you could hurt him again?”

“ _Hurt_ him?” Alex spread his arms out in shock. “When the fuck did I ever do _that?_ ”

“Lafayette, what’s going on? Who are you talking to- oh, hi Alex.”

Thomas came behind Lafayette, looking at Alex almost adoringly. Alex gave him the same look right back without a second thought.

“Hey Thomas,” Alex smiled brightly at him, then immediately turned to Lafayette with angry confusion. “I’ve never done anything like that!”

“Never done what? What the hell is going on here?”

“You told me he hurt you!” Lafayette pointed a finger at the smaller man, eliciting a cry of protest.

“Thomas, _what_?!”

“I didn’t say that!” Thomas panicked, raising his hands in surrender. “I was just… walking by his dorm and had an anxiety attack!”

Alex faltered, physically and mentally. “You… you have anxiety?”

Thomas suddenly looked vulnerable, crossing his arms across his chest. “Let’s move on.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Alex hoped he wasn’t showing how hurt he was, because he couldn’t help but feel guilty. After all these years of neck-to-neck fighting, insults slung everywhere without a second thought, and he hadn’t even processed that Thomas was a person with feelings and not just some guy named Jefferson who just pissed him off. He knows firsthand how much mental instability can harm someone. He saw it happen to his cousin. He saw it happen in himself when his mother died, when he made it to America, losing love. And to realize that he had put that kind of pressure on someone else, who he had grown to take a liking to, made him feel selfish. Self-indulgent. Tactless.

 “Does that bother you?” Thomas said, almost shy.

Alex all but trembled when he whispered, “I’m so sorry. For everything.” He shook more violently, looking Thomas in the eye as his eyes filled with tears. “I’m sorry for making you feel like shit for years. For… for hiding how I feel from you because I was scared. I was so scared, I’m so scared.”

 Even Lafayette seemed too shocked for words, because neither of them stopped him from running back to his dorm. By the time he got into the dormitory, he was crying, trying desperately to wipe the tears away as he went to his bed. John, initially shocked, took Alex in his arms and hushed him with comforting words and a hand rubbing his back. The embrace lasted until Alex’s crying was reduced to hiccups and a stuffy nose.

“Jesus fucking Christ, I hate emotions,” Alex laughed bitter-sweetly as John silently held him. He wiped his tears onto John’s shoulder quite embarrassingly, but he knew John didn’t mind it at all since that shoulder was soaked with tears anyway.

“I’m not going to question what happened unless you need me to beat someone’s ass,” is all that John said on the topic. “What do you want to watch on Netflix?”

 

* * *

 

“Oh god, I fucked up, I fucked up, I fucked up my relationship with my two _best friends-_ “

 Lafayette was pacing around the room, his hands running through his hair so much that it had come out of the sides and made track marks from where his fingers passed through. He wasn’t being stopped by Thomas, but that was because he was in the kitchen trying to make tea with hands that wouldn’t stop shaking. The kettle started to shriek, and Thomas circled around the small kitchen forgetting what to do next. He stopped at the cupboards and opened the drawer full of coffee cups that either cursed like a sailor or had cute colors and animals all over. In grabbing a mug, his hands dropped the glass with a loud smash, and he jumped to the counter with his breathing heavy.

Clearly, nobody in the house knew what to do.

Besides his own panting being a very overpowering sound in his ears, Thomas could hear Lafayette muttering, “What do I do, what do I say, what the fuck do I say-“ 

Thomas went to his room and searched blindly for some shoes, finally finding some Toms that were too clean to even look casual anymore. But it didn’t matter, he put them on and raced out, telling Lafayette and maybe himself that _this is it, this has to happen, I have to apologize._

Lafayette did the same, but he didn’t think twice about being barefooted before he nearly ran to Alex and John’s dorm.

 

* * *

 

“She’s my favorite character,” John commented in awe as he and Alex watched the woman on the screen fight an inconspicuous group of bad guys. "Fuck them up, honey."

The door of the room knocked loudly and John tried not to groan, but he did anyways as he paused the show and went to the door. When he opened the door, he was not happy to report that Lafayette was at the door with Thomas lacking behind him.

“Well, isn’t this surprising,” John said indifferently, “you here to insult me more?”

John knew Lafayette could be a fast talker, but he was talking so fast at that moment that John had to silence him with a hand and say unenthusiastically, “Come inside and talk slower, but not too slow. We’re watching TV.”

John turned his head to where Alex said and commented in Spanish, “ _Lover Boy and his right-hand man are here, hide the knives from me_.”

Alex retorted jokingly. “ _But I haven’t finished crying_.”

John took Lafayette to the kitchen as Thomas awkwardly stumbled in the dorm. His eyes flitted nervously before finding Alex, who wouldn’t look him in the eye. Closing the door, he made his way to him and sat down on one of the beds with his knees tucked into his chest.

“I realize that this is very uncomfortable and not very fun,” Thomas begins, “but I just want to let you know that you’re forgiven for… for everything. I never held it against you in the first place, but you are.”

Alex didn’t say anything for a while, then finally looked up to meet Thomas’s gaze. “Did I ever tell you about my mother?”

Thomas was surprised at the sudden change of topic, but he complied anyways. “No, why?”

“Before she, um,” Alex cleared his throat. ‘Before she died, she told me, ‘Who are you going to be when you grow up?’ And I told her the basic shit, you know. I want to be a lawyer, a doctor, the president.”

“Then she laughed and said, ‘No, not like that. What kind of person are you going to be? Who will you be to your friends and enemies?’ And I told her I didn’t know. She took my hand and told me about when she first met my dad and afterwards she told me, ‘You need to love. Not just your friends, but your enemies as well. Do you feel my heartbeat?’ She put my hand over her heart. ‘I have a heart, and a brain, and eyes that get to love you every day of my life. And so does everyone else. You need to give them a reason to use them well.’”

“Thomas, I haven’t – I shouldn’t have treated you like that after all these years, especially considering I never even talked to you outside of our debates. If you can even call them that freshman year.” Alex took in a deep breath and continued. “If Lafayette was right and I really have hurt you, I understand, you don’t have to go out of your way to talk to me.”

“No, _no_ ,” Thomas shook his head, looking down at his clasped hands. “I never held that against you. I just thought of it as debating. And it really did help the first year of school, it actually boosted my grade. But… I never thought less of you or myself because of it.”

“I was doing it because… I felt intimidated. I walked into my first class of the year and there you were, and on the first day I knew right from the start you must have been valedictorian because you were smart and funny and really fucking cute-“

“I was _not_ cute freshman year,” Thomas laughed.

“Yeah, in _hindsight_ , and maybe to yourself because I had the biggest schoolboy crush on you.”

“ _You?_ I was practically falling at your feet in the first term!”

Thomas and Alex both laughed together, and when the laughter subdued they both looked at each other shyly.

“You still are, you know. My biggest schoolboy crush.” Alex smiled sheepishly, his cheeks tinted with pink.

“And you the same.”

Thomas reached out to cup Alex’s cheek, and Alex felt how shaky they were. It was surreal; he had never thought that he would be here with Thomas even discussing his mother, his feelings. He placed his hand on top of Thomas’ to show that he, too, was trembling. They both smiled, and neither of them wanted to move, so they didn’t.

When John left with Lafayette, the two will never know, but as the sun began to fall into the horizon Thomas and Alex laid on the bed beside each other. The bed was small – it was only twin sized – so the two were practically on top of each other as they talked all evening.

“I can only point out _one_ constellation,” Alex drawled, “and it’s Orion’s damn belt. That’s the easiest one!”

“I have an app that shows all of the constellations and planets,” Thomas suggested as he pulled his phone out from his pocket.

And for what seemed like an eternity, the two pointed the phone camera at the ceiling pointing out stars and planets and constellations. Alex took the phone gingerly and sat up with his legs crossed, pointing the camera down at Thomas’ laying figure. He named the constellation that was spread across his torso, the Southern Cross, which he found very humorous. Thomas did the same to him and saw Mars and a collection of stars around it.

Once they grew tired, they talked about the news and the weather until Alex fell asleep on Thomas’ chest, snoring softly and gripping onto his shirt.

Thomas kissed his head and closed his eyes to sleep as well. All was good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everybody's running around the halls like damn mice smh you better be on the first floor
> 
> and what a shitty ending i could have done better


	8. besame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sailor reached out its hand again, balancing on the balls of their feet to reach as far as they could. They were saying something, a mantra or litany that was spoken through an unbroken smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic is just fluff at this point and i think it's over but i'm probably gonna add an epilogue
> 
> if you find the in the heights reference (which is pretty blalant) ur great
> 
> and yes y'all bet i'm gonna be hella emotional on the last chapter :'(

Alex didn’t wake up in his own bed. It was actually John’s, but from the looks of it, John wasn’t even in the dorm. He also woke up alone, which was a little sad. Thomas must have left to his own dorm. He probably has classes. They are both in college, after all, and he’s missed enough classes.

Oh, wait. Thomas and Alex had morning classes together today. Just the thought of spending his morning with Thomas and maybe even his afternoon and evening made his stomach flutter in anticipation and maybe even happiness.

Alex was broken out of his reverie by his door unlocking and opening. Brief panic ran through his veins until he noticed that it was Thomas that was walking in, and he had fast food breakfast in his arms.

“Sorry I took your keys,” was the first thing Thomas said, “But I wanted to get the both of us breakfast and I didn’t want to wake you up. I got biscuits, hash browns, and some pancakes.”

Thomas sat next to Alex’s legs, as he was still laying down quite comfortably. Thomas handed him a biscuit and watched him chew on a piece before he took some food himself. They sat in comfortable silence which was only broken by Alex’s small hums and quite loud chewing. Thomas, on the other hand, was completely silent, making no hums or chewing noises. After eating, he wiped his mouth with his napkin and threw his trash away almost immediately. Alex laughed at him, wiping his mouth with the side of his hand. 

Thomas frowned. “What’s so funny?”

“You’re so…” Alex sat up a bit and leaned on his hand as he gave a greasy smile to the spotless man before him. “Couth and refined. Which country club were you born in?”

“Ha ha,” Thomas deadpanned.

Across the room, Alex’s phone rang, the ringtone being a slow medley in Spanish. Thomas pointed back at it with his thumb and silently asked if he was going to answer it. Alex shook his head with a smile.

“Nah, I like this song.”

Alex sang along quite-off key and lazily, but he sung all the same. Thomas watched fondly before slipping, “Help me with my Spanish a little more.”

Alex smiled wide and laid back down, this time on his side. “ _Anoche_.”

Thomas laid on his side facing Alex, the two comfortable on the small bed. “Last night.”

“ _Dormir_.”

“Sleep.”

Alex looked down, fidgeting with the sheets they were both laying on. “ _Pacienca_.”

“…Patience?” Thomas laid his hand near Alex’s, feeling light with his lazy glee.

“Yes, good job,” Alex said softly, his hand twitching as if he were reaching for Thomas’ hand to hold. There was a stretch of silence. Thomas spoke.

“How do you say, ‘Hold me’?”

The two locked eyes. “ _Abrazame_.”

Thomas leaned in a little closer, his heart beating faster and faster with every second passing. “And how do you say, ‘Kiss me’?”

“ _Besame_.”

“ _Besame_ ,” Thomas reverberated, though not as fluidly as Alex. They looked at each other for a moment before one of them leaned far enough to reach the other’s lips. Alex hummed and brought his hands to Thomas’ shoulders, feeling the taut but defined muscles under the thin fabric of the shirt he was wearing. Thomas cupped Alex’s cheeks and ran his thumb across Alex’s stubble – if you could even call it that, it felt like peach fuzz compared to his own – which elicited happy noises from the man as his hands went over Thomas’.

Thomas pulled back with a teasing grin, watching Alex whine silently. His lips were red and glistening, and pursed because of the lack of kisses he was receiving.

“Your hands are so small,” Thomas laughed as he marveled at the difference of the pair’s hands.

Alex squirmed in his grasp, most likely to feign discomfort. “Well, your hands are too warm, at least I know I don’t have a fucking _fever_.”

“You’re too cold,” Thomas replied without hesitation, “You sure you don’t have frostbite from the cold outside?”

“Regardless, you are _very_ comfortable.”

The two didn’t hear John behind the door fumbling with the keys or otherwise trying to open the door. When it opened with a swing, he saw Thomas on his bed, though at first he thought it was Lafayette and got confused, with a small arm lazily wrapped around his torso. He – or the two – were pecking quite loudly, speaking and laughing between each kiss.

“I’m just saying, grapes are-” they kissed quickly- “Stop kissing me when I’m trying to win an argument!” They both laughed.

“Grapes are gross, and I’m not _forcing_ you to kiss back.”

“Oh, but you are!” Alex slapped Thomas’ shoulder lightly. “You beguile me with your charm.”

“Hey,” John called out to the both of them, causing the two to jump. “Can I get my bed back? I want to take a nap before I go to my afternoon class.”

“Fuck!” Alex sat up and John looked away immediately, expecting a hickey or two. “We’re going to be late for Washington’s class!”

The two clammered around the dorm, Alex throwing one of his hoodies at Thomas to wear, earning a critical expression from the latter.

“Why do you have this? This is too big for me, how the hell is this going to fit-”

“Shut up, you ass. Get my shoes for me please?”

 

* * *

 

“Hamilton, Jefferson,” Washington nodded as the two walked in together. He was shocked but overall happy that the two were practically hip-to-hip, smiling widely as if one of them had just uttered a joke. The two sat in the middle of the class, whispering what might be another argument or a joke.

“Okay, class, let’s begin.”

During the entire class, the two were mostly silent, sans a snicker or two. It all began, however, when Washington posed a “discussion.”

“Was this behavior because of how they were raised in their environment, their nurture, or was it because of biological heredity? Please discuss with your classmates quietly.”

“It’s nurture,” Jefferson said almost immediately to Hamilton, leaning his body to the side without moving his eyes from the front of the room. “Their actions are period-typical, and their actions weren’t abnormal compared to the rest of society.” 

“It’s definitely naturalistic,” Hamilton countered, “because why else would their lineage hold the same idealistic behaviors unless it was something hereditary that caused them?”

“ _Darling_ ,” Thomas drawled, silently reveling in the way that Alexander seemed to preen over the pet name. “Ideals can be passed by oral or written communication, not just by genes, and familial bias can dictate whether or not the person chooses to accept it as fact.”

Just as quickly as Alex preened over the darling, he huffed after the rest of the sentence. “You have nothing to prove that!” 

“And you have nothing to disprove it.”

The two bickered more for a little, Jefferson using pet names to try to distract Hamilton from his words – and it worked a little, he even stumbled a bit after Jefferson called him _Sugar_.

And, of course, Washington was watching the two with confusion, mainly because of the pet names. To him, these were literal pet names and only had a small amount of sarcasm in them; they just seemed too soft to be biting in any way. He looked at all the students, who were probably thinking the same as they took notes or watched the two argue. In the front row, a new face Washington has never seen before – probably a new student – turned to the person beside them and asked, “I’m confused, does this usually happen?”

The class ended too slowly for Professor Washington, but when it did he was gifted with the two boys who were quarreling the entire class. Jefferson was the first to walk in, followed by Hamilton who stayed by the door, looking at Jefferson and Jefferson only.

“I just wanted to apologize for my absences last week. I know I have nothing to worry about assignment-wise, but it wasn’t very responsible of me.” As Thomas spoke, Alexander nodded his head as if he were there only for Thomas’ support.

“That’s alright, son,” Washington said passively, “Attendance isn’t that mandatory, but even if it were I wouldn’t kick you out of class for a sick day.”

“Professor Washington, picking favorites?” Hamilton shook his head with a smile. “We’ve changed you.”

The three shared a quick laugh before the two younger men said their goodbyes, leaving the office with smiles plastered on their faces and giggles escaping them.

“Let’s go out for some food,” Alex said happily as he walked next to Thomas down the hallway. “I heard there’s a nice pizza joint down 2nd Avenue.”

“I don’t know, I’m kind of tired. I think I’m going to take a nap.”

“Fine, I’ll order some pizza from Domino’s or something and eat it all alone.”

“You do that.”

When they reached Thomas’ apartment, Alex left at the door to get the pizza. Before he left, he balanced on the balls of his feet to kiss Thomas’ cheek, but as he fell a little short he pushed down on his shoulders to get him to lower his stature. When he got back with two boxes of pizza, he saw Thomas doubled over of the sofa, head in hands and shoulders shaking. Dropping the pizza boxes, he rushed to Thomas, sitting on the couch next to him.

“Thomas, babe, are you-“

He was interrupted by Thomas’ loud laughter that virtually shook the room. His smile almost ear-to-ear. Tears were streaking down his face, and in his hand was a video playing on a loop. Thomas, registering Alex’s presence but not fully, rested his cackling head on the smaller man’s shoulder.

“Thomas, you ass, I thought you were crying!”

Giggling, Thomas replied, “Technically, I was.”

Then it was Alex’s turn to lay his head on Thomas’ shoulder. “You know what I meant. What were you laughing at, anyways?”

Thomas handed his phone to him and played the video. It was a squeaky toy; a chicken. It was wailing and rolling down a ceiling, getting fainter and fainter as it fell off the house. As he watched the video, Thomas continued to giggle. Alex shut off the phone and looked at Thomas with a deadpanned expression.

“What the fuck,” Alex looked at him, purely dumbfound. “That wasn’t even fucking funny!”

Thomas began to laugh again.

 

* * *

 

“Thank you for the shitty pizza,” said Thomas as he put his napkin in the trash.

“Anything for my…” Alex almost said boyfriend, but stopped himself. They’re not dating, or at least he figures they’re not because they never really talked about it. They’ve just been avoiding that the entire day, really. “For my Thomas,” he finished awkwardly. 

“You’re Thomas,” the taller man echoed in monotone.

“Yeah, I mean-” he moved his arms in a wild gesture and continued. “You’re not my enemy, or my friend, and we’re not dating, so…”

“You’re my Alex and I’m your Thomas,” the latter finished. Alex nodded as a stumbling conclusion and stuffed his face before speaking his mind once again.

“Would you like to be something?”

“Certainly not an enemy, I’m sure.”

“No, no! Like… a boyfriend or something.”

“And you’d be mine?”

“Yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> before i forget!! if you like my writing and you want to _request_ something for me to write, you can always do so!! hell, you could ask for jamilton in space and i'd do it for y'all


	9. it was a good thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The storm began to rumble, but not with anger. It darkened, but not in fear. It began to cry, but not out of sorrow.
> 
> The rain flitted across the sailor's skin as soft as kisses.

“This is really awkward and weird,” Alex said as he pulled away from the kiss. Thomas looked offended, meaning that he took it the wrong way or Alex said it wrong; “This stage in the relationship, I mean. That whole, ‘I don’t know what you’re comfortable with so I’m just going to wait until someone makes the first move.’”

Thomas’ head fell back and he laughed loudly, then looked back at Alex with a big smile. “You’ll need to be more specific.”

Alex sighed dramatically, running a hand up and down Thomas’ arms. “I want to grab your ass, but that would be weird since we just started dating, like, six hours ago.”

“Does this mean I can touch yours?”

“Oh, shit!” Alex groaned and lightly hit Thomas’ shoulder in frustration. “You know what I just realized?”

Thomas’ eyes went wide, looking at the powered off TV behind Alex. “I missed the season finale of RuPaul’s Drag Race!”

“No, you fucking dolt,” Alex rolled his eyes. “I meant that nobody even _knows_ we’re dating now. We could host a party and pop some champagne or something.”

“Or we could just post it on social media like a normal, modern couple.”

“Yeah, but champagne sounds better.” Alex, still in Thomas’ warm hold, rubbed at the fabric of the man’s shirt between his forefinger and thumb. “I have to go to class soon.”

 Thomas slid his hands down to his back and massaged circles on his hips. “ _Or_ you could just stay here with me.”

“ _Hm_ , which has me thinking: is my education even worth it?” Alex feigned a thinking look, narrowing his eyes and scratching his stubble.

 “If I’m _this_ amazing,” Thomas countered, “I think letting off a day is worth it.”

 Alex smiled, kissing him quickly. “I’m still going to class.”

 

* * *

 

“Alexander!”

 Alexander whipped his head to his name, his stature relaxed and tense at the same time as Lafayette bounded towards him. When Lafayette finally came up to him, he scooped him up into a hug that almost shocked Alex at first. It was tight, but not tight enough for Alex to feel like he was being smothered. Alex hugged back just as tight. He was still a little mad at Lafayette, but it had only been a couple of days since the whole misunderstanding happened. It was a time to give each other space, but not to the point where they drifted away from each other.

 “Alex, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed that you had done something to hurt Thomas, I know you’re not that kind of person but I was so out of it that I just misjudged what he meant and snapped on you and John. You didn’t deserve that and neither did John.” Lafayette leaned out of the hug to look Alex in the eye, his expression completely serious and a tad bit sad. Alex rubbed his arm comfortingly and smiled weakly.

“Hey, I’m not mad. I would have done the same thing in your situation. I don’t hold you accountable for anything, not at all.”

Lafayette looked grateful as Alex opened the door for Lafayette. Lafayette curtsied, faking an innocent and exaggerated smile. He walked gracefully inside, chuckling lowly at how hard Alex laughed at his antics. One student looked at the two and smiled, knowing that they had been in a fight by the old rumor mill and now waiting to tell everybody that they’re friendly again. The two joked around in class the entire time, not bothering to take any notes that day but still showing up anyway because it was mandatory. At the end, they walked out together, talking about anything and everything that came to mind.

“Hey, Laf, can you keep a secret?” Alex said suddenly, his mouth moving faster than his mind. Lafayette turned to look at him, his eyes blinked with interest.

“Don’t tell me: you and Thomas are dating?”

Alex’s eyes widened with shock and he stammered, “How did you know?”

“Holy shit,” the Frenchman’s eyes widened as well, “Was I _right?”_

“ _Yes!_ ”

“But I was only kidding!”

They stopped walking at this point, screaming at each other with surprise. Other students walking by cast strange looks at them and walked a little faster. They both laughed at the strange coincidence before Lafayette spoke again, suddenly a lot more serious.

“You two are dating,” he said, “When did this happen?”

Alex shrugged. “Yesterday, I guess. We were going to tell everyone sooner or later today.”

“Angelica is going to be very…” Lafayette strained for the right word. “Surprised.”

 

* * *

 

“Why are we all here?” John moaned, laying on top of both Hercules and Lafayette. Lafayette patted his head and looked at Alex with a smile.

“Well,” he started, “Me and Thomas wanted you all to know that… We’re dating now.”

The room became an uproar. John whooped and clapped his hands together, Angelica shouted in shock, and the rest of the Schuylers shouted as well, Eliza in disbelief and a bit of playfulness and Peggy just because she could. Maria squealed in excitement and grabbed Eliza’s hand. Hercules stayed silent, mostly confused.

“Who the hell is Thomas?”

Thomas laughed and stuck out his hand to Hercules, introducing himself in a joking manner. They conversed and the room burst into different conversations before Alex sat back down next to Thomas and smiled fondly at all of his friends. When his eyes went to the end of the room, he found Angelica looking right back at him. She stood, beckoning for him to follow. They exited the room and Alex followed her blindly, confused as to what she was doing.

“Listen,” she started, making a slow gesture with her hands, “I know you are a good person and I respect and love you as a friend.”

Alex blinked. “Thank you, Angelica.”

“That being said-” she brought her hands together without making a sound. “If you break Thomas’ heart or do anything to hurt him – whether it be physically, emotionally, or psychologically – I will make your life a living hell.”

Alex laughed, assuming that it was an exaggeration, but his laugh staggered when he looked her in the eye and saw how serious she was looking at him; like she could read his mind. He gulped and nodded, truly afraid of Angelica’s power. Swallowing his fear the best he could, he replied, “I don’t think I could even if I tried."

“Angel!” Thomas’ voice rang. He was in the hallway, walking quickly towards the two. “You’re scaring the shit out of Alex… Oh my God, Angelica, did you threaten him-”

She raised her hands in surrender. “I did what was necessary.”

“Oh, Alex, you look terrified. Come back inside, the two of you.” Thomas stretched a hand to Alex and he took it without thinking twice, seeing Angelica smile fondly before he turned to Thomas and laid another hand on his.

“It was a good thing, telling all of our friends,” Alex told him softly. “They’re very supportive, despite our history.”

“History?” Thomas snickered. “You mean me winning every debate _you_ started?”

“You didn’t win those debates-”

“Oh, yes I did-”

Alex gave him a light peck to get him to stop arguing, because he knew he’d end up letting Thomas win if he didn’t and his pride couldn’t take that. Thomas gave him a jokingly snide look and pecked him back. After everyone left and the two were alone, they laid down on the bed, not asleep and not meaning to fall asleep, but wordlessly caressing each other and kissing chastely on fingertips, temples, cheekbones. Thomas felt his eyes flutter as Alex peppered kisses down his nose, smiling when it started to tickle. Alex grabbed his face and Thomas opened his eyes to find Alex kissing his forehead, then looking him in the eye fondly.

“For your migraine,” he whispered. They both smiled at each other and kissed slowly, fragilely.

They whispered their goodnights to each other and when Alex fell asleep cradled in his arms, he went back to thinking. He thought back to when he came back from France in junior year, and how Alexander almost cried he was excited to see him, though at the time he blamed it on not having someone to debate with. Thomas should have seen it, he realized, but nevertheless he was excited to see Alex as well. He wasn’t Alex then, though. He was Hamilton.

Their relationship – whatever it was when this whole thing started – seemed to go by quickly. Maybe it has been happening for a while, too, and none of them noticed. Perhaps one day they both snapped and actually went for it instead of orbiting around each other. He looked down at Alex in his arms. It was surreal, seeing someone he’d only see angry in his arms, asleep. Carefully, Thomas raised a hand to stroke the smaller man’s hair. In his sleep, he sighed happily and murmured a string of incoherent words. Unconsciously, Thomas smiled.

The next day, they went to Thomas’ dorm and helped each other dress for class. It was mostly cuddling and marveling at each other as they discarded their old clothes, but who cares? Then they had lunch together, watched a movie, ate dinner, and slept. Then the next week, next month, next semester. Unofficially, John had moved into Lafayette’s dorm and Thomas into Alex’s. Neither of them minded, of course, because John and Lafayette were starting to get just a little bit closer and Thomas was Alex’s boyfriend.

Boyfriend. It still made Thomas’ stomach flutter.

When the school year ended, and they finally graduated college, they celebrated together with a bottle of cold champagne. Alex tried to open it, but he’s never opened one before, so he ended up taking minutes taking the “gold shit” off and the rest complaining that the “twisty thing” is broken. Thomas laughed and opened the champagne for him, immediately regretting it when all of the champagne spewed all over the dorm’s carpet. They drank it nonetheless, until the conversation turned somber.

“Where would I go?” Alex shook his head, his eyes sunken in after all of the finals he took. “I have no home, no family.”

“Hey,” Thomas said softly, tilting his chin up with his finger. “You’re _my_ family. You can stay with me in my apartment, and maybe Monticello for the summer if you’d like.”

Alex shook his head again, placing his hands over Thomas’. “No, I couldn’t do that to you! I’ll find some place to stay, don’t worry about me.”

“How about we compromise, then? Let’s split the rent on the apartment, and we’ll find jobs together.”

“Thomas, I don’t want to be a bother-”

“You could never be.”

Alex sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He looked up at Thomas and smiled widely, resting his head in the crook of the man’s neck. They embraced for a while, Alex whispering his thanks and Thomas rubbing his back softly.

The two stayed like this: young at heart, pure, in love. And nobody bothered to think twice about it anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's over y'all...... or is it
> 
> i might add tiny one-shots to this 'verse if you guys are really feeling it but I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT!
> 
> i am in the process of making this totally sophisticated fic that is inspired by a very popular film. no hints just yet except for this: alex is going to be the _belle_ of the ballroom. it's going to have multiple chapters, it will be longer than this fic, and i will be working very hard on it so the chapters may not be hella frequent
> 
> [edit: i finished the first chapter but idk when i should post it (*•̀ᴗ•́*)و ̑̑ the struggle = real ]
> 
> but on to the conclusion of this chapter: when i tell y'all that i save every. comment. on my laptop and read them when i'm feeling sad or i have a writer's block, i mean it sincerely. you guys inspire me to write! i get genuinely happy when i see that people genuinely like what i put into the world and this is my first fic, so thank you so much for sharing this wonderful experience with me!! love y'all <3

**Author's Note:**

> yooooo thank you for reading this!! it means a lot to me homies
> 
> if you want to tell me something, share your thoughts, or give me some constructive criticism, please feel free to leave a comment! i hold them so dear


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